Anticipation is a double-edged blade of despair and elation. Over the past few weeks I have developed to a love hate relationship with its fickle moods. Being in the midst of our busy season, we work diligently to have focus and right intent during our time with students and in concerts. But there are nagging butterflies in the belly for the upcoming trip to Scotland and England! How can they invade, in the middle of singing “The big ship sails down the alley alley-o” with 50 kindergartners! Flitting thru my mind while dancing a ceili dance with 6th graders! Bringing on a bathroom break in the middle of telling the ‘horses ears’ story! Not fare!
We visualize and wonder, we theorize and smile. The electrification of dreams and animation of fantasy take control over the daily business, and we have to pull the plug and ground ourselves to the task before us at this minute!
When not working, we discuss which instruments will go, and which will stay. Who will carry what, what to give our hosts as thank you gifts, and who will remember where we put the important things like passports (it takes both our brains to remember things these days). We weigh the weighty decisions of weather and moisture and which clothes will be the perfect weight. We pour over maps and read books and watch as the fine folks in the UK fill our schedule with the most amazing experiences and opportunities.
The despair creeps in; when… I realize that it is only 10 days away, instead of 2 months away. I know, we are supposed to be excited that it’s closer now than it was. But I was the child who’s tears welled up at the balloon lying lifeless on the floor the morning after the circus. I was the blubbering one cradling the limp lilacs that I picked the day before. Endings are very hard for me! The ‘ending’ of the anticipation comes with a bit of sadness. The trip will be here before I know it, and then the anticipation turns to experience, which in the blink of an eye will be a memory.
And it is the way of each day of life… anticipation… experience… memory.
My current companion: anticipation.
My next companion, experience.
My last companion, memory.